mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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