in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
