he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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