I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
