i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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