She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
