Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
