I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
