yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
