You really coming over, don't trick.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
