Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
