The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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