We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
