dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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