Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so let's talk penis.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
