How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize