I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
