Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I deserve this hangover.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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