is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
