I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
