I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
did i just pee glitter
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
