i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I need moral support for this bender
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
