you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
