well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize