My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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