ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
