I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
