That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
