Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
