Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize