my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
