Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize