Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
