He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
