Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
