Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
