I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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