the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
