i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
