dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
