he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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