So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
