I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
