I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
