Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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