i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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