Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
