i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
