Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize