Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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