i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
