party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
