why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
