Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
