zippers are such a cool invention
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
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