We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
