Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
