I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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