The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
