'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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