your thong is hanging out like whoa
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
