addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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