I think I died a long time ago.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
