We're facebook friends in real life
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
