i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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