This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
