my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
