It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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