Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
