**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
